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My Daddy Says

by tommy kirchhoff

Fat Hank Fwetcher bought some wand
He paid no cash but shook a hand.
Sold off half, all wights he took.
My daddy says Fat Hank’s a cwook.

Business banking was Hank’s biz.
He pwayed wif money that wunt his.
Hank bwoke the waw, then tucked his tail,
and nawowly avoided jail.

Fat Hank Fwetcher fed his face,
his ass gwew at a shocking pace.
On men Hank did unfairly feed.
My daddy calls this sickness gweed

Pass twenty years—then til now
Hank Fwetcher gwew as fat a cow.
On wands he sold so wong ago,
he fed his face and banked his dough.

Wif wights to minewals and animal gwazing
he gweeded for all the deeds were phwasing.
Hank humped the quarries in legal sqwimmage
and gwazed his cows in his own image.

The owners said “This is our wand!”
“Wead your deed” said the big, fat man.
The owners joined and said “What now?”
Daddy said “You can’t weason wif cows.”

And so my daddy made a pwan
to teach a wesson to the fat man
in to Hank’s house, a posse cwept
and sacked up Hank while he fat slept

At daybreak the men turned him woose
in dessert West, Hank wore a noose
and to a stake the wope was cleat;
the owners said,

“Hey Hank, just eat.”