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Pioneer Day Fun

Well, the coveted Pioneer Day has come and gone, but the memory still lingers. This is a special day where Utahans celebrate the rise of a state and a legacy. Most folks spend a nice day at the parade followed by barbecue fun with family and friends. Since we here at Wild Utah aren’t most folks, we decided to celebrate a little differently.

10 p.m. the night before - Warmed up the liver with a few drinks at the bar. Also slammed some shots for good measure.

10:45 - Remembered that tomorrow was a day off and proceeded to get shit-faced.

12:15 a.m. - Scrounged up last of change to purchase the last call beer. Found several attractive ladies and invited them back for an after-hours hot tub party.

12:16 - Turned down by attractive ladies, chugged beer, invited ugly ones and stumbled home in mass.

Pioneer Day 1 p.m. - Awake in a haze but still somewhat refreshed. Realize not alone in bed; chew arm off.

1:05 - Fix a screwdriver with remaining arm to lift the haze and thank the lord that we remembered to purchase liquor goods the day before.

1:15 - Repeat the above step until haze is gone and shove ugly chick out of the door. Should wave, but scratch groin region with remaining arm.

2:35 - By this time, a new cloud of haze is forming; remember we were having a party for the big day.

3:00 - Think about straighting up the house, but crack a beer instead and proceed to wander around town recruiting partygoers.

10:10 - First guests arrive and the carnage begins.

10:35 – A group of 10 young ladies arrives and any previous fears of a Sausage Fest fade away into the night.

11:00 – Line up multiple shots of Tequila and Bacardi, slam and repeat until everyone forgets their own name.

11:45 and 12:30 – Cops arrive, as expected, with noise complaint and roommate almost goes to jail for mouthing off.

1:15 a.m. – Party starts thinning out and several couples retreat for some premarital activity. The less fortunate continue to binge drink and decide some gambling would be a good idea.

3:00 – All debts get paid and the party disperses.

3:00 p.m. next day – Wake up with clothes and shoes on and realize we all missed work. Oh well, might as well crack a beer.

Pioneer Day is a special day in Utah history with good wholesome fun had by all. See ya next year.

This strapping lad had his fun on Pioneer Day with a nice young lady. And yes that is a condom wrapper stuck to his back.