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Ski Bums


1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
a. female: Any part under a car’s hood.
b. male: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
a. female: Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
b. male: Playing football without a jockstrap.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon)
a. female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
b. male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

4. BUTT (but) n.
a. female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes “look bigger.”
b. male: What you slap when someone’s scored a touchdown, home run or goal. Also good for mooning.

5. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n
a. female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
b. male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.

6. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
a. female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
b. male: Anything that can be done while drinking.

7. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
a. female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
b. male: An endless source of entertainment, self-statement and male bonding.

8. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
a. female: The greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve.
b. male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

9. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
a. female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
b. male: A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 2 minutes.

francesca maria gennotti

Where Was the Editor When the Headlines Read:

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"Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood"

"Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead"

"Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures"

"Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax"

"Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors"

"If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While"

"Include Your Children when Baking Cookies"

"Iraqi Head Seeks Arms" "Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant"

"Miners Refuse to Work after Death"

"New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group"

"Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over"

"Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told"

"Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges"

"Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years at Checkout Counter"

"Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead"