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The Kennebunkport Hillbilly

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by sky

Do all men secretly want to be black?

They say once you go black you never go back. I know this isn't true because I've had my intimate times with dark gentlemen, and have since dated whities. That said, black men are suave, know how to "work it," and will almost always be better dancers than your typical Caucasian male. This often times translates to being a better lover.

Is this why so many white men choose to speak as though they were homeboys? You know what I mean. Examples: "Hey bro, what up? Yo, yo -." One of my personal favorites to ending a conversation…simply, "Late."

Maybe Ebonics are making a comeback. Fine. It just seems a little funny, living in one of the whitest communities on earth and having people talking as if they have soul.

No matter how hard white men try to be hip with their vocabulary… they'll never compare. This was most obvious last week when the National Brotherhood of Skiers came to town. The NBS took over most of Park City with style. A good time was had by all, and for once, the only folks who really know how to "speak jive" were doing so. How lovely and refreshing.

Since the demographics in Utah aren't likely to change drastically anytime soon, I will ask a favor of all you hip male honkies. Ay yo trip - give it up. Yo, bro, ya know what I'm sayin', a-ite? Cuz, shonuf, if I seent ya kickin' it like ya'lls OG (original gangstas) I be trippin.'

Please take a moment to remember what that little old lady said in Airplane, "Jive ass dude don got no brains anyhow."

For those of you needing more jive talkin' in your life, study up with these web sites and if you're white - keep it to yourself.

Jive Poetry:

Rap Dictionary:

Ebonics Dictionary: