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The Breakup: Get Over It –

by sky

Sorry folks, no talk of dildos, bras, penises or otherwise lewd subjects this week. Sky is out of juice. This week the topic is emotionally based, and one all women (and some men) can relate to. Post Break-Up Trauma.

While the diagnosis is easy to hand out, recovery is painful and sometimes can last years. Relapses are common. Much like cancer, PBUT can re-occur when you least expect it (even after months and years of remission). Do men go through this? Only when they’re the ones blindsided. Do they admit to it? Surprisingly, yes. And, as shocking as it may seem, statistics (which are actually real for this article, and taken from a national study by Alabama University) show 80-percent of break-ups are initiated by women. Hard to believe? Yes. Way to go ladies!

HOW LONG should it take to get over a relationship that has ended? Too many factors come into play for there to be one answer. It depends. How long did it last? Is it over because you caught him in bed with your best friend? Is it over because he caught you in bed with his best friend? Did he start dating someone else the day after? Did you love his dog more than his dick? Generally speaking, the deeper you were into it, the longer it will take to stop crying unexpectedly, complaining to your friends and wondering if you’re going to run into him/her somewhere. How do you know when you should be over it? Your friends are a great indicator. If they look at you in horror or simply run away from you when you bring up the ex’s name, it usually means you should shut the hell up and move on.

THE INSTIGATOR WINS. Yes, that’s right. If you have no idea the end is near, and your boyfriend/girlfriend blindsides you, it’s gonna hurt. The “breaker-upper” (if you will) has time to prepare, and plan, and then execute the dump. You, you’re a sitting duck. A sitting duck who will most likely turn into a pile of emotional putty once the ax comes down. Or, you may choose to vomit (like a certain newspaper editor did when he was dumped at the tender age of 19).

BACK IN THE GAME, BACK IN THE SACK. This is a popular Band Aid for the wound your ex left wide open. This strategy is one you should use before your former lover does. Some claim it is a great step to recovery. Yep, go out and get laid by somebody else as soon as you can. That way, you know somebody wants you. Furthermore, if you do hop right into the sack, you’ll then be sporting the “high pro glow” which has benefits of its own. It seems the opposite sex can tell that you’ve been freshly laid (from your HPG) and thus will want a piece of you as well. While this is a short-term solution, it can help dull the pain and give you that ego boost you ordered.

IT’S NOT FAIR that the men seem to get away from breakups without incurring emotional damage. But as my dear mother says, “Life isn’t fair.” That’s right, it isn’t – and neither are relationships. Perhaps the men who do suffer seem to do it internally, so we ladies don’t see it, leading us to believe their hearts are made of Teflon. Nothing sticks. This, however, is just an opinion. My attempt to find statistics to back this theory up have failed.

THE BIG SURPRISE. The overall number of males who wallow after a relationship seems to be substantially higher than women. A recent study, completed in the late 90’s in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence, focused on the early romantic relationships of adolescents. The study found that boys are more vulnerable when it comes to dating. In what may be a shocking finding, researchers discovered dating is more stressful for boys and that boys are also more affected by breaking up than girls and fall in love faster as well.

RULES FOR THE DUMPED are important to keep in mind--especially when a relapse of the Post Break-Up Trauma is possible even months after the split.

1. In a public place? Look hot. Look like you don’t care. If possible, be with someone else who is hot.

2. If you’re going to get drunk, make sure you will not run into the ex.

3. If you do run into the ex, and you’re drunk, make sure your friends are around to make sure you don’t dip into the recycling bin. It’s not worth it.

4. Face to face with the ex? Smile, chit chat, and be confident. Remember, you’re the shit, you don’t need them, you’re happy. And, if they ask, give them the look that tells them you’re getting laid by someone who gives you multiple o’s.