Stolen with permission from blindwino.com
by mark driver
I love fags. I don’t like to make broad generalizations about a group of people as a whole, but I think they are some of the funniest, coolest, and nicest people the world has to offer. Especially impressive is their ability to be bluntly honest. I think the process from realization to the actual acting out of gayness requires a lot of self-honesty and soul searching that few of us straight fuckers ever go through. They understand, probably more than most of us, what it feels like to be unaccepted and hated on a daily basis. Few groups of people can be as viciously attacked without fear of public outrage as gays can be. They’re easy targets, and any sign of compassion or attempts at understanding often puts you on suspicion of being gay as well, an accusation excruciatingly feared by most straight people.
The more time I spend hanging out with fags, the funnier I find people’s reactions to homosexuality. Most straight guys, for example, think that every gay male in the world probably wants them, as if being gay suddenly means that a person has no preferences or taste. In reality, most fags have way better choice in men than to come close to your hairy, jockey-shorted ass, and if anything, homophobic losers like you make them strongly reconsider women as alternatives (scared straight?).
Even more interesting are the reactions of hardcore homophobes. Groups like the American Family Association and the 700 Club serve as watchdog groups to inform the world about the “Gay Agenda.” These people seem pretty interested in researching the gay lifestyle, a little too interested if you ask me. It makes you wonder if they’ve even met an openly gay person before, or if all their impressions are based on their own perverted imaginations and fantasies. Kinda’ like the people who want to ban all pornography; something has struck a chord in them and they can’t just leave it alone like the rest of us, they have to ERADICATE it. Thou dost protest too much.
They even wanted to create a legal definition of marriage that keeps gays from getting married. The Defense of Marriage Act. Ha. Excuse me Congress, if you’re gonna’ spend all my tax money trying to keep gay people from getting married, why don’t you mail my share back. I can’t even afford to get my car fixed and I don’t give a shit what the legal definition of marriage is (jeez, talk about over-regulation). It’s not like being married means anything aside from tax purposes anyway. Why not defend the institution of marriage from losers who represent the 50% that end in divorce? As the joke goes, if they really want to stop gay sex, they should let them get married; married people don’t have sex.
One benefit of living in LA is that you get the dirt on which macho he-studs are into other macho he-studs, and I have news for all you girls lusting over your precious entertainment idols: THEY ARE ALL GAY. Heart throbs from “Saved by the Bell” to “90210” to “Friends” are smooching it up on club floors with members of the same sex. I won’t name names, because it’s funnier to keep you guessing—but you would die of shock if you knew about some of the unlikely couples I’ve seen. Which just goes to show you how bullshit our perceptions are when it comes to things we haven’t experienced first-hand. Very rarely does the image mirror reality, so I suggest that you improve your reality base and take advantage of the resources homosexuals have to offer. Who knows, maybe you’re gay and you don’t even know it!