The Worst Catch of the Summer —- Throw This One Back
Recently I found myself wandering around the Mall of America in Minneapolis (wanting to kill all the fat shoppers). The scene was depressing enough to force me into the cinema to see this summer’s much-hyped action flick, “Swordfish.” I wouldn’t wish the Mall of America on anyone, but if you do end up in a similarly desperate predicament, it is then, and only then that I would recommend paying to view this predictable, condescending attempt at an action film.
Swordfish is a bad catch. The plot is vaguely familiar. There’s a bad guy (John Travolta) who I think wants to blow up the world - and there’s a good bad guy (Hugh Jackman) who is a computer hacker who can’t get busted again or he’ll go to jail for life and never see his 10-year-old daughter again (boo hoo).
Travolta gives Jackman a bunch of dough to hack away at computers so he can proceed to take a group of people hostage and strap explosives to them in a bank... blah blah blah.
Despite the fact that John Travolta is the lead — and we do love him, it’s not enough to keep me watching. For you boys, Halle Berry is in this one too and does at least five gratuitous squats, bend-overs, and frontal nude shots for you to get your rocks off. And yes, she dies so you can’t get a date.
Other highlights — for you gals, Hugh Jackman is HOT anyway you slice him. He is solely responsible for keeping me in the theater. This is not to say his lines weren’t predictable & cheesy — it’s just that he’s a decent actor, and lovely to look at on the big screen.
This movie could have ended much earlier than it did —- but in one of its several “climaxes,” Travolta has his hostages on a bus that escapes from police officers when it is lifted into the air by a massive helicopter. Realistic? No. Silly? Yes, and gets a B- from me in the “original-get-away” category.
No thanks on the Swordfish. I’ll take the halibut with a side of Jackman.