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The Job That Matters

by sky

It’s been weeks, perhaps months, since this was first suggested as a Chick Chat topic. Now, after weeks of interviews and grueling research, the blowjob article is coming (no pun intended) to fruition. Relationships of any sort require give and take —- therefore, we ladies need to give a little – or more appropriately, a lot when it comes to going down on men. There are women who consider their style of giving head the best, and take pride in it – and there are others who may be a tad sheepish about the act. One thing men and women agree on: desire. Desire is the key ingredient to a fabulous BJ. Here are a few odds and ends regarding blowjobs that may help us all in handling the merchandise properly —

YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT. Laugh if you will – but what you put in, truly comes out. Pineapple consumed the day before makes a tasty treat for the recipient of your sperm. This tid bit comes to us from Andrea who is a dick aficionado. Stale beer is the flavor she’s generally used to. This may sound gross, but she says it’s like home, something familiar and that the flavor is really quite mild.

Blowjobs should be avoided when your man is taking any sort of medication (the taste is similar to when you get an aspirin caught in your throat and don’t have enough water to wash it down).

THE TEA BAGS HAVE IT Unofficial research shows men are lovin’ the tea baggin’. They name it their favorite technique for the BJ. This has nothing to do with Lipton.

WATCH THE TEETH The most common complaint from men who have been unfortunate enough to receive bad oral attention has to do with their partner using her teeth. Bad move. No teeth ladies (duh) just lots o’ saliva. One bad nick and the hard on could be history.

EFFORT Let’s face it. Blowjobs can be a lot of work. Tired jaws, tired arms, drool all over the place at times. Most guys appreciate the hell out of a girl who will at least try, and they generally come in 5-10 minutes. Andrea’s current boyfriend is a rare exception to the 10-minute rule. She says 25 minutes is about the shortest possible, and 45-60 minutes is the usual, which takes stamina on the girl’s part.

ADVICE A former colleague of mine claims that he can tell by the shape of a girl’s eyebrows how adept she will be at giving oral sex. His number one piece of advice is that you have to love the penis beyond all else. He says that a guy can tell if you are licking it because you have to, or if you’re doing it because you NEED it and will wither on the vine if you don’t get it.

AH YES, THE SWALLOW Some say it needs to be done- and this is true for some folks…. But I don’t know any men who have thrown a woman out for not swallowing, or would utter any complaints if they had a good job. If you are swallowing, it will taste best if you’re with a vegetarian (see “You are what you eat”). Professionals in this arena recommend taking it in fast – right down the hatch so you don’t end up with the gook sloshing around in your mouth too long. If you’d like more details, check out Playboy where this has apparently been a hot topic for the past few months with many women writing in, offering their views on the much-talked-about swallow. It seems many women are now reading the publication “for the articles.”

THE BLOW THAT BLOWS Men, be patient. If your lady is a novice, and is at least trying to help you out —- enjoy. And, if you’re lucky enough to meet someone that loves dick more than life itself – jackpot. Male subjects interviewed for this piece say they’ll be patient, just don’t deny them. Ladies, your efforts will be rewarded if you’re with a good guy — Andrea got a trip to Mexico where she delivered a 2-hour blow job, and upon finishing, her lover screamed “hallelujah!” No need to ask if he enjoyed that marathon.

NEXT CHICK CHAT…. EXTREMELY EXTREME: Guys who love gear and the women who don’t care.