A Tribute to Mothers
Recently, I came across some… well, disturbing news: My mother is reading
this column. It’s not so bad, I guess. At first, I was horrified, that perhaps
my vulgar vocabulary had offended the woman who bore me. Not so. In fact,
she had suggestions, criticisms, and maybe even a couple of compliments. I
love my mom. I know I’m one of those lucky gals that has a mother who is not
only my parental figure, but one of my best friends. I realize this sounds
as corny as a Hallmark card with cursive, rhyming words on it… but I mean
it. She’s hip, she’s funny, she’s worldly, beautiful, and she’s got more class
than most women on the planet. There. It needed to be said.
So, with Mother’s Day just around the corner (May 13th for those of you slackers
who forgot) I urge all women and men to pay homage to their moms. These women
sacrificed much of their lives for us. They put up with the diapers, the soccer
games, the girl scouts, the lying, the starving, the tantrums, the… well,
you get the idea. And somehow, they kept us, and still like us.
After I finished being a psycho teenager, I realized I should probably thank
my mother for putting up with all of my misbehavings, which, incidentally,
started at a young age. Case in point: when I was three, my mother and I were
in a Baltimore train station when she told me not to touch anything. She described
the station as “one of the filthiest places on earth.” So I said, “Mom, look!
I’m not touching it… I’m licking it!” –I licked the station windows. As the
years rolled on, the stories were a bit more dramatic…there was my clepto
stage, cheerleading traumas, and then of course, getting arrested for being
drunk in public as a freshman in high school.
A friend of mine explains it’s nearly unavoidable to turn into our parents
to some degree. “It’s a sick legacy,” she said. “The things my mom used to
do that would embarrass me… I now do on my own.” To some degree, we are what
we know… and we definitely know our moms.
I have no offspring at this time and feel motherhood should not be taken
lightly. I believe parenthood must be incredibly rewarding, and I believe
it must get better once your children are old enough to appreciate the hell
they’ve put you through.
What does my mother say about motherhood? She was not available for an interview
at the time of this article. But, she did leave me a message on my machine
saying she’s getting ready for me to visit this weekend. She put clean sheets
on the bed, shined up the bathroom and can hardly wait for me to get there.
Yes, we’ll have a blast together. No, I won’t bring up the subject of me vomiting
in the back of a police car at age 16. But if I did —- she’d laugh now. She’s