Bitterness Left Behind

Pickled Think

Not Too Old After All

Church President Becomes Jewish

Everybody Knows

Chick Chat

Weekend at the Valley

Wild Card

Comics & Images

Phat Tat

Utah or Bust


Not Enough Women? Yeah Right

by sky

If you’re a local guy who thinks you’re not getting laid because there are so few chicks in town—think again. The numbers alone prove you wrong

You’re a girl. You move to a ski town. You hear the spiel: “There are soooo many guys here. You’ll be one of the only chicks in town!” Then, you move to Park City and discover the truth. Sure, back in the day, testosterone clearly overpowered the female vibe up here in PC. But, those days are over. Friends of mine who have been here for over a decade say the 5 to 1 ratio is a thing of the past. You want proof? Check the 2000 Census report. In Summit County there are 108.3 males to every 100 females. “Then where are all the girls hiding?” asked one of my male co-workers. Answer: not in all the shitty bars where many men choose to hang out night after night.

If a night out on the town for you involves staring at RSN reruns at O’Shucks while sucking down gallons of Budweiser, it will be difficult to convince you that there are just as many women in this town as men. “If you’re using that old ratio as an excuse, then you’re probably too drunk or stoned to ask a girl out anyway,” says a hot contractor I know. I couldn’t agree more.

The truth can hurt a bit for chicks here as well. No longer is it good enough just to have tits. Now, there’s competition. If you want to play in the dating game, you may have to try a little harder ladies. There are plenty of cute girls in this town, and it’s likely they’ll be out the same night as you… so you better get your shit together.

Personally, I think the 22 to 35-year-old crowd here has it pretty damn good. Most of us live at this higher elevation because of the mountains and the lifestyle it offers. That alone weeds out the boring, lazy fat people that populate most metropolitan areas devoid of outdoor activities.

In the meantime, both guys and girls need to realize the truth. We’re shopping from equally stocked shelves. This does not mean the rumors will stop. Most people to this day believe there are five guys to every one lady in Park City. That’s why the old sayings keep on keepin’ on. Here are a few favorites:

“In Park City you don’t lose your girlfriend, you just lose your turn.”

“Girls are like parking spots, they’re all taken or they’re handicapped.”

“The odds are good, but the goods are odd.” (Yes, we’re talking about the guys)

As a final slice of advice for both genders, here are a few spots where your next piece of ass is likely to be found.

RATIO OF GUYS TO GIRLS AT VARIOUS BARS (not based on any factual information).

RENEE’S: Here’s where you’ll find guys and girls that can often carry on a conversation and are not chain smoking. Usually, more women than men.

MOTHER URBANS: (aka Mother Fuckers) This can be a fifty-fifty ratio (not to be confused with fellatio). You’ll find pool and darts and ashtrays and often live music. There’s a decent chance you’ll meet someone who is not a complete loser. Watch out for bald guys in this place—they’ve been known to corner women and tell them they’ve lived in 85 countries—just suggest they go back to one of them.

O’SHUCKS: Well, the ladies who show up here are usually a tad younger, but fun lovin’, beer drinkin’ girls who know they’ll find plenty of manly men slurring their words at the bar. Not the place to meet a high roller, especially on a Tuesday night. Surprisingly, often equal parts men and women.

CISERO’S: Smokers galore—and lot’s o drinkin’. Like big hair? Guys, your most likely to find it here. Nothing against this place, it’s just seems the crowd is from out of town and from 1992. Ratio? 60/40? Heavier on the guys who are heavy on the drinking.

NO NAME: Classic bar, with a higher ratio of guys. Girls, you can check out the merchandise while playing that shuffle board thing. Tip: wear low cut shirts while playing and bend over frequently. You’re bound to win.

HARRY O’S: Like Salt Lake? Great. The high school girls will be waiting to greet you on every Saturday night. Ratio here is great for guys unless you get arrested for taking that 16-year-old home.

For the bars not mentioned, cool your jets. There are way too many watering holes to cover in one column.

Merry Christmas and happy hunting for all you horny boys and girls.