George Carlin’s List of Irony
1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
2. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?
3. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself is it a hostage situation?
4. Is there another word for synonym?
5. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
6. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
7. How do blind people know when they are done wiping their ass?
8. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
9. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
10. Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids?”
11. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
12. Where are we going? And what’s with this hand basket?
13. How is it possible to have a civil war?
14. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
15. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.